The Ladies from Kent.
I remember the day only too well. It was a morning much like any other morning. Delicious Husband was putting the specials boards out and getting ready to open the cafe.
“Well old girl, you could shoot a cannon in any direction and you wouldn’t hit anyone out there today. The street is empty, I think that we’re in for a quiet day.”
I didn’t take any notice of him, only God knows what a day will bring. Plus, I’d spent enough time musing over days that I’d had no control over, and I’ve come to the realisasion that it doesn’t change a thing – or do me any good.
D.H hadn’t been back in the shop more than two minutes when the door opened and in walked Kate.
“Hello. Tony’s meeting me here later for lunch. But I thought that I’d call in and have a quick coffee before I hit the shops.”
“Always a good idea to fill up with coffee before shopping,” D.H added. “Especially if you’re out shopping with Annie, she stops at every jewellery shop window and gorps at the shiny rings and things for ages. ‘Ooh look at this one D.H, do you like that one D.H?’ She has no intention of buying any of them, so why look?”
“It’s a girl thing,” replied Kate with a smile.
“Well, girl thing or not, lots of coffee before and during shopping is the perfect excuse for me.”
“How so?” enquired Kate.
“What goes in, has to come out. So half way through our shopping trip, I tell Annie that I need the facilities and that I’ll meet her in the nearest coffee shop. I sit drinking coffee and reading my book, she trots of and finishes the shopping. Perfect shopping trip!”
They were both giggling away when I joined them.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, but got no reply.
The door opened and in walked another customer, a lady who said that she was on a coach trip from Kent. She sat by the counter chatting away to Kate and D.H, whilst I went back into the kitchen to finish the baking.
After a little while I could hear that the conversation was getting a little heated, so I decided that I’d go and see what the discussion was about.
It turned out that that lady from Kent was thinking of setting up a shop in the town, she was into angels and flower healing.
“Oh yes, flower healing is biblical,” she was saying.
“I really don’t think that it’s biblical, but if you feel that they do you some good, that’s fine,” Kate was saying.
“It’s not fine!” said D.H. “You can’t claim that something is biblical if it isn’t biblical. That’s like me selling tea and calling it coffee, it’s trades description. It either is something or it isn’t.” And with that he scurried off in the direction of the bookcase.
“This sounds like a very interesting conversation, may I join in?” I enquired, taking a seat.
“We were discussing flower healing, and this nice lady was saying that she was thinking of setting up a shop in the town. The shop would sell angels and flowers,” Kate smiled.
“Oh, that sounds fun,” I added.
“Yes, and I was telling this lady, and I presume your husband over there, that it will be a Christian flower healing shop; but he seems to disagree with the concept,” the lady from Kent was saying as D.H returned.
He put the Good book down on the table and in a firm, but kind voice, he said
“Show me where it says that flowers bring healing!”
The lady seemed a little unsure, but picked the Good book up and started leafing through it.
“I’m not really sure just exactly where it is.”
“Well let me help you out a little,” said Kate. “ I think that you’ll find that it isn’t in there at all. This book says quite clearly that the only true healer is God, and there is no mention in it at all about flowers of any kind bringing healing. So it would be wrong to open a shop, proclaiming to be one thing when it in fact it was another.”
“Well, what would the other thing be, if it wasn’t Christian?” the Kent lady asked.
“A load of rubbish!” said Kate as kindly as she could.
I asked how the flower healing would work, was it herbal? The lady from Kent told me that the client would lay on a table and she would cover them with the flowers.
“Any flowers in particular, or will any kind do the job?” I asked.
“Oh, not just any flowers, specific flowers, for specific illnesses,” she replied.
Just then my cake timer started to beep, so I made my excuses and left the three of them to it.
By the time I’d finished in the kitchen both ladies had left the shop, leaving D.H clearing away their dirty coffee cups.
Once the day got going both D.H and I forgot all about the lady from Kent. Tony arrived as expected for lunch, but Kate was still somewhere in town shopping. I couldn’t spend any time with Tony other than to say a quick hello, as I was taking an order from a very well dressed young lady, who was sitting on a table near the kitchen.
“I would like a Burrito, with Mexican chicken and a large coffee please,” the young lady said.
“No problem, I’ll get that right to you dear.”
Because we have an open kitchen I can talk to the customers whilst I prepare their food. The young lady was telling me that she was on a coach trip from Kent.
“How strange,” I said. “We have had a customer in this morning that was on a coach trip from Kent. You might both be on the same trip, small world, isn’t it?”
The young lady didn’t comment, but just smiled as I delivered her food.
She called over to me, “I suppose that you are one of them that believe that David Bowie is the Messiah?”
“I’m sorry dear, I didn’t quite catch what you just said?”
The young lady repeated, “I suppose that you are one of them that believe that David Bowie is the Messiah?”
“I thought that’s what you said dear, and no, I don’t believe that; I’m one of those that believe that Jesus Christ is the Messiah.”
“Rubbish, we all know that it’s Bowie, he’s on the television every night telling us!” she said, raising her voice a little. “And another thing, you’ve drugged me, you’ve put marijuana in my Burrito. I know when I’ve been drugged, and you have drugged me!”
“The only thing in that Burrito that resembles weed, is coriander!” I retorted.
By this time D.H had come up to find out what the raised voices were about. Tony was sat drinking a large cappuccino, taking in all that was being said, a big grin on his face.
The moment that the young lady saw D.H coming up the stairs, she started to use some foul language.
“Now now, young lady, you are more than welcome to have an opinion, and you are more than welcome in this cafe, but I will not have you use language like that in this place.”
With that she stood up and stormed off to the counter to pay her bill, closely followed by D.H. She paid, and then without any notice she started to almost scream, “You all know that Bowie is the Messiah, he’s been on the television every night preaching!”
All the time she was shouting, I was praying that when she left, she didn’t slam the door and smash the glass. An expense we didn’t need.
But my prayers must have been answered, because she left the shop as quietly as she had entered it.
Both D.H and I were visibly shaken, but all that Tony could say was how much he would love to spend every day in the cafe if he could.
“You have such fun in here!”
D.H and I just looked at one and other and tried to calm down before we got anymore customers.
Just then Kate came back from her shopping trip.
“You’ve missed it, we have had the strangest woman in from Kent,” a still very excited Tony said.
“Met her, she was in earlier,” Kate replied.
No said Tony, “My lady from Kent was far stranger than your lady from Kent!”
D.H put a cake dome on his head and started dancing around the cafe singing, ‘Ground Control to Major Tom,’ and everyone fell around laughing. I can’t speak for the others, but I know for sure that mine was nervous laughter.
Now I know that you’ll think that this is another one of my tall tails; but I can say hand on heart, that this is a true story. Only the place and customer’s names have been changed. (Honest!)